my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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