after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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