We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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