I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize