franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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