Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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