Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
