she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
