U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
