just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
