i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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