I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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