that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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