where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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