life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
