so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
