There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
