I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
