she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
