wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
