Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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