Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
