She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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