i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
