This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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