I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
