im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
