I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
