I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
