Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
