Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I love you. Go after that dick
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
