dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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