didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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