dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He kissed a someone with a penis
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
