Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
