At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
