I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
