and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
vagina is talking i cant
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
