I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
