yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
