I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize