sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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