You don't have asthma, your pregnant
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
