There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
