I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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