You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
