This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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