Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
