Already got asked if we're dating
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
