now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize