return my video game
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
