so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
