She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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