we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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