Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
