i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
