im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How's work?
Spinning.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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