either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
