Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
