At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
