I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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