dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
