im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
