At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
