i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
