Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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