When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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