3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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