He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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