real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
