bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
