PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
